Heathcliff

I'm having a hard time, feeling unmoored, not sure where to begin. Rob and I looking to eachother for direction, both of us at a standstill. We shuffle through the house, Heathcliff-like, two lost souls. Today he brought up a job in China. Talk about an adventure. Uprooting my son to some expat school, trying to find any semblance of the friendships I have here, it could turn lonely real quickly.

Today I will go back to cold calling for a pharmacy position. Only now as an intern. Boy does that ever suck. But the good news is, this economy is so bad, particularly in NJ, that maybe it would be easier to get a pharmacy to hire a cheaper, intern-salary employee. I still never received the letter from the NJ Board of Pharmacy so I can begin the appeal process. So now it's been since October without stepping foot inside a pharmacy, how is that preparing me as a pharmacist.

A river runs through it

When it rains it pours, or, if you will, the hits just keep coming ... Rob's job, my father's passing, my internship fiasco and now 48 hours of sewage backup in our basement from the rain. The good news is my ten-year-old son learned a few life lessons as he feverishly bailed water from our toilet for hours. I did feel sorry for him, but hey, the pilgrim children survived, as did kids living on the frontier and so will he.

When I regroup, will attempt to restart my internship. For now it's hair in a ponytail, slop boots and attacking the basement.

Cash register runaround

I'm really at a loss, just not sure what to do. The plan was that if Rob lost his job, I would be poised to jump in and work as a full paid registered pharmacist. So now I have to redo the last year-and-a- half (if I continue part time), in an even worse economy, at an internship salary. My friends can't believe this, that according to some evaluation by an inept preceptor, the board has decided to make me redo the whole internship, not half of it, not a quarter, but the whole damn thing. And without ever hearing my side of things, or for that matter, ever meeting me. Or better yet, me and Sally, together, with the boxing gloves on, going at it for all to see. Then it would be clear that impartial could never be a part of this.

I will appeal their decision. But I don't expect redemption. This will just be a bureaucratic waste of time, as I stand before, well, let's see, two members of the public and some bespeckled pharmacists who will look at me with curiousity as I make nice, be respectful, and ever so sweetly point out that Sally may claim I didn't get up to snuff as a pharmacist but where were these board members when I couldn't get Sally and Walblues to move me OFF THE CASH REGISTER! Oh right, I can't say that, that would just fuel their claim that I am not qualified to work yet.

Marsha vs. Walblues

It's been a rough week. Rob lost his job, my 87-year-old father passed away and today I heard that the NJ Board of Pharmacy decided not to count my 1000 hour internship (based on Sally's awful evaluation of me.) I find myself speaking the words of others who are maligned by have-it-in-for-you superiors, "I've always gotten A's in school, and now I've been given all F's."

At first the executive director of the Board of Pharmacy got on the phone and told me I'd have to redo 1500 hours. "But I originally only had to do 1000 hours," I told her. After some hesitation and bureaucratic mumblings she said, "Yes, you only have to do the thousand hours." So I wasted that time, that year and a half at Walblues, hating every last hour there. I guess you could say, they've won, Sally won, and so then the question becomes ... should I give it up?

Death by pharmacy

So yesterday I'm driving through East Orange, trying to find this independent pharmacy in some faceless strip mall. All around me are police cars straddling curbs and I realize I'm right smack in the middle of a city slum. Not that I didn't have an inkling the neighborhood might be a bit shoddy, but my husband- yes we must blame someone- told me to wait and see, that maybe it wasn't so bad. When I ask a cop for directions he tells me to keep my doors and windows locked. Great, I'm thinking, I'll get a job and robbed the first week, or my car will be broken into, or I'll get shot at and my son will be motherless, and won't Rob feel guilty then.

But I open the car door, walk past a laundromat and liquor store, and step into the pharmacy. Turns out the owner is this sweet, lovely, Indian guy, and well, we really hit it off. I did ask him if it was safe working there and he said he's never had a problem. So if he offers me the job, I will take it. Yes, I'm desperate, but really, how bad could it be (discounting the car break-in or being shot at.)

Give me a Break

Well the good news is it's still January and it's only been 3 weeks since my last blog entry. So I guess I haven't given up this blog thing yet. It's just hard, writing, not getting paid, wondering who out there is even reading it, except some guy in... is it Ohio? Anyway, I'm back for now. I feel a temper tantrum coming on, you know, a dump on readers, oh no, not good.

Today I have an interview at an independent pharmacy, the owner sounds nice, but it's 45 minutes away. That could turn nasty really quickly. But for now, my hair is blown dry, I'm up for the interview, maybe lunch in a new town. They compound lots of meds there which could be interesting I suppose, although can pharmacy ever be that interesting? I haven't worked in 3 months since Walblues let me go after that horrendous internship. I just got a preceptor evaluation from Godzilla and no surprise there, she slammed me. I put a call into the board to add my two cents to the record, you know, my evaluation of her. Saw an episode on The Office where they did that, so figured I'd give it a shot.

Well off to my real life of looking for a job and writing and reading and piano. Life is short, make the most of it. Find your passion and if you can't get paid for it, work it girl!!!

Needle in a haystack

OK, so nothing, absolutely nothing happening on the pharmacy job front. I guess I'm waiting for someone to call me and say,"Hi Marsha, we have this adorable little pharmacy 10 miles from your house, and get this, it has an actual soda fountain, and oh, the owner just loves jazz music so the sound track is mostly Ella and Louis, and of course, yes there is a 45 minute lunch break. Can you start right away?"

But right now, I'm mostly concerned about my sore hip, is it sciatica or cancer, as in osteosarcoma, and until my doctor's appointment in six days, I'm mostly fretting. Can a hypochondriac ever really be happy? And then there's my concert for an entire school coming up in two weeks, so basically I'm a wreck.

I'm seeing a pattern here. I know the best thing for me would be to first get a job, get some money coming in, and seriously I am looking a few hours a week and so far absolutely nothing. It really does seem that only chains are hiring. The chains have taken over, ruined the profession as we all know. But today I will continue looking.