Sunday, March 21, 2010

The lighting

My son making bonfires on our driveway all weekend. Late into the night, neighbors stopping by, a group of us roasting hot dogs in the flames, reconnecting now that the long winter is over. As I write this I can hear him and his friends discussing matches, marshmellows, pine cones, twigs. I'm happy. Life is full and rich.

Ushered today at SOPAC, Rob and Ben got in for free. A Juilliard quartet playing Beethoven and Mozart, by the second movement Ben is asleep on my arm. When he awakes, whispers "when is this over, my friends are waiting on the driveway."

I am reminded that the best things in life are free, and this weekend brings it home in spades. I look at the young musicians, playing their hearts out and I know they can't be rolling in dough, but that the tradeoff is worth it. I mean compared to Michael Jackson, who is more content? So once again, I know that it's important to live in the moment, to enjoy the spiritual life, the music, the writing, friendship.

It's clear we are facing a hard road financially, but that doesn't mean this can't be the most wonderful year ever. It's really up to each of us, to rationally decide to be happy and then let our hearts open up to it.

Friday, March 19, 2010


I'm having a hard time, feeling unmoored, not sure where to begin. Rob and I looking to eachother for direction, both of us at a standstill. We shuffle through the house, Heathcliff-like, two lost souls. Today he brought up a job in China. Talk about an adventure. Uprooting my son to some expat school, trying to find any semblance of the friendships I have here, it could turn lonely real quickly.

Today I will go back to cold calling for a pharmacy position. Only now as an intern. Boy does that ever suck. But the good news is, this economy is so bad, particularly in NJ, that maybe it would be easier to get a pharmacy to hire a cheaper, intern-salary employee. I still never received the letter from the NJ Board of Pharmacy so I can begin the appeal process. So now it's been since October without stepping foot inside a pharmacy, how is that preparing me as a pharmacist.

Monday, March 15, 2010

A river runs through it

When it rains it pours, or, if you will, the hits just keep coming ... Rob's job, my father's passing, my internship fiasco and now 48 hours of sewage backup in our basement from the rain. The good news is my ten-year-old son learned a few life lessons as he feverishly bailed water from our toilet for hours. I did feel sorry for him, but hey, the pilgrim children survived, as did kids living on the frontier and so will he.

When I regroup, will attempt to restart my internship. For now it's hair in a ponytail, slop boots and attacking the basement.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Cash register runaround

I'm really at a loss, just not sure what to do. The plan was that if Rob lost his job, I would be poised to jump in and work as a full paid registered pharmacist. So now I have to redo the last year-and-a- half (if I continue part time), in an even worse economy, at an internship salary. My friends can't believe this, that according to some evaluation by an inept preceptor, the board has decided to make me redo the whole internship, not half of it, not a quarter, but the whole damn thing. And without ever hearing my side of things, or for that matter, ever meeting me. Or better yet, me and Sally, together, with the boxing gloves on, going at it for all to see. Then it would be clear that impartial could never be a part of this.

I will appeal their decision. But I don't expect redemption. This will just be a bureaucratic waste of time, as I stand before, well, let's see, two members of the public and some bespeckled pharmacists who will look at me with curiousity as I make nice, be respectful, and ever so sweetly point out that Sally may claim I didn't get up to snuff as a pharmacist but where were these board members when I couldn't get Sally and Walblues to move me OFF THE CASH REGISTER! Oh right, I can't say that, that would just fuel their claim that I am not qualified to work yet.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Marsha vs. Walblues

It's been a rough week. Rob lost his job, my 87-year-old father passed away and today I heard that the NJ Board of Pharmacy decided not to count my 1000 hour internship (based on Sally's awful evaluation of me.) I find myself speaking the words of others who are maligned by have-it-in-for-you superiors, "I've always gotten A's in school, and now I've been given all F's."

At first the executive director of the Board of Pharmacy got on the phone and told me I'd have to redo 1500 hours. "But I originally only had to do 1000 hours," I told her. After some hesitation and bureaucratic mumblings she said, "Yes, you only have to do the thousand hours." So I wasted that time, that year and a half at Walblues, hating every last hour there. I guess you could say, they've won, Sally won, and so then the question becomes ... should I give it up?