Wednesday, October 7, 2009

The brain squish

OK, so I guess I started off too quickly, studied too much, too soon. My head felt like it was stuck in some medieval vise, about to implode--self-imposed implosion always being the worst. Basically, I need to build up momentum. So this week I brought the draconian down a notch. Now I'm studying at home instead of the library which was too loud anyway, with all the whispering and annoying finger tapping on laptops till I felt like I was dropped into a vast stenographers' pool.

Of course at home there's other distractions, like my mother-in -law calling every half hour asking where her son is. "He's at work," I tell her. I feel guilty as hell, that I should drop everything and visit her, but I turn off that part of brain and study. Or I take my son for his yearly checkup, arrive just in time, then sit and wait for an hour. I did yell at the doctor. Again felt guilty. And I know this is all because I have to get this thing done, if I don't do it, it will just fall back on itself and be one huge, wasted, forgotten effort. You know, Sisyphus as hapless, perennial pharmacy intern.

Meanwhile I got home yesterday from the Jersey shore house--where I actually installed my first toilet seat, mowed the lawn, then sat in my car at Cookman Avenue in Asbury Park and studied for 2 hours- only to hear Rachel's clinical voice asking me to call her at Acme. Great I'm thinking, Rob's job is hanging by a dendrite, and now the commandante is going to ax me. Last week I told her I couldn't work on Yom Kippur, could she fit me in any other hours? Asked her again as I was leaving, "Can't you fit me in at all, as it is I'm only working one day a week, seriously I'll remember nothing in two weeks. " I guess we know where that went. So now she's pulling the same stunt, unless of course I'm fired. I'll let you know.

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